My father sent me this this morning and they are just too good not to share! Enjoy!

They’re Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.
(Summer, 2007 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on Water.’
The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan: Last Sunday: ”I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours
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(If there had been room in the title I would have also added “and make money or advertise” with this great Alexa Traffic Rank 8,567 service.)

A while back we signed up for SocialSpark one of those rare social media marketing websites that give both bloggers and advertisers a central location to either make money (bloggers) or find lots of willing individuals to write about your program (advertisers). Of course, that’s not withstanding that once written about, the advertiser, too, stands to see a potential huge increase in sales

So what exactly is SocialSpark and why should you join?

For openers, (more…)

Today, while reading my horoscope in a really oddball local magazine, I was struck by how much this particular one makes sense. Here’s what it said:

“The composer Stravinsky had written a new piece with a difficult violin passage,” writes Thomas Powers, quoted in the book Sunbeams. “After it had been in rehearsal several weeks, the solo violinist came to Stravinsky and said he was sorry, he had tried his best, the passage was too difficult, no violinist could play it. Stravinsky said, ‘I understand that. What I am after is the sound of someone trying to play it!’”

It goes on to inform me to keep this message close to the heart in the coming week in order to have “the proper perspective as you go about the work of doing the best you can, at a task that is virtually impossible to perfect.”

Now doesn’t that sound exactly like internet marketing?!

We each do our very best with the methodology at hand, but never do any of us truly “perfect the art” because the art of being online is so fluid.

However, it’s not in the getting it perfect where we succeed, it is in the trying and applying where we shine.

We’ve known our share of online entrepreneurs who take a direct course of action and willingly try their hand at all new proposals (or revisit “old” ones to fine tune them). Conversely, we’re also familiar with some would-be online business people who seem too shy to get out there and give it a go.

Maybe what holds some back is that feeling of “I won’t get it right.” There is no getting it wrong (other than blatant spamming of course). The beauty is in the doing!

Keep this message in mind as you go about your week (each week!) and put yourself out there! Meet other people in the social communities, write that article you’ve been putting off and post it in Hubpages and article directories! You can do it!

Here’s to sweet music to you in all your endeavors!