My father sent me this this morning and they are just too good not to share! Enjoy!

They’re Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.
(Summer, 2007 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on Water.’
The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan: Last Sunday: ”I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours
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The other day while visiting our Twitter, I was struck by how many different posting and contact systems are currently in place to help you Tweet more efficiently.

In our January 4th post, we mentioned a couple:

TwitterBar 1.1
TwitterFeed

The first allows you to add comments directly to your Twitter from the address bar of your browser. It is an addon for your Firefox browser. Extremely simple to add, very easy to use.

The second is a slightly confusing, but ultimately satisfying, way to have a third party recognize your new posts and announce them – automatically – to your Twitter account.

But then I started going down through our lists of followers, and taking notes on how individual Twitter-ers are able to (seemingly) Tweet and get stuff done. Turns out there are a wide variety of tools at your disposal. Some make it easier to post, some are desktop interfaces (versus tabbing back and forth to your Twitter account).

Here’s what I’ve located so far – with short explanations of what each of these services and/or software programs do:

Tweetie
For those who hang onto their iPhones and iPods with a vise-like grip, this tool is an application you can add to make posting and/or answering Tweets easier. This download-able application costs $2.99. For screenshots just click that link.

TwitterGadget
You can add this method of Twittering to your Gmail account using Gmail Labs (here are the installation instructions. What this program does is best represented by a quote from their website, “TwitterGadget is a clean, robust, web 2.0 style client for Twitter.com, designed to submit status updates to Twitter via your iGoogle homepage or Gmail Account.” I invite you to visit and interpret the rest yourself.

TweetDeck
TweetDeck is in beta, but I see an awful lot of die-hard Tweeters using it. It’s designed to help organize the massive amounts of incoming information, as well as allowing you to interface with your followers. Again, a quote from their website is in order, “It aims to evolve the existing functionality of Twitter by taking an abundance of information i.e twitter feeds, and breaking it down into more manageable bite sized pieces.”

TwitterFox
This is also a Firefox addon so installing it (like all things Firefox) is a breeze. TwitterFox “adds a tiny icon on the status bar which notifies you when your friends update their tweets.” In addition, it also has a small text input field to update your tweets.

Tweetfeed (not to be confused with TwitterFeed)
And last (for now) but most likely not least, Tweetfeed, a Twitter activity page that shows live what’s happening on your Twitter. You can customize the setting, and create what they call “Tweet walls” for conferences and events. Actually they state, use it however you want. We’ve added a link to a few TweetFeed examples

I do want you to know that, to date, I’m personally only using the first two referenced at the top of this post. But again, the ones listed are used constantly by Tweeters.

I should also note that TweetDeck (in beta) looks very appealing, but my Kaspersky firewall had strong objections to it. Most likely nothing at all to worry about, but I’m paranoid and decided to wait.

No doubt you’ve heard in the news lately of a few (stupid) tweets made by those (in our government) who should know better. Giving a step by step itinerary of one’s trip through war-torn Middle Eastern countries is definitely a stupid move.

However, in terms of instant communication, once you get the hang of it, Twitter isn’t going down the tubes as predicted numerous months ago. If anything, with all these tools available, mastering and using Twitter may be just the perfect move for you to make this year!

Enjoy!

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Linda of Forcedgreen sent me the following (which is just too good not to share, I received two in the last week alone – oh I did change a word here and there to keep it “family friendly”):

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I’m Still Waiting…
I did what you told me…

I sent the email to 10 people like you said …
I’m still waiting for that miracle to happen.

To all my friends who in the last year sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT ___ WORKED!

For 2009, could you please just send money, Vodka, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead?

Thank you!

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And thank you Linda for your unique timing! You know just when I really need a good laugh!

As online readers, we all have an immense arsenal of potential ways to track this and that as it strikes our fancy. And today, I’m going to let you in on a secret you may not be aware of…

You must have noticed how we really stress the value of commenting at the end of each of our posts… right? You have noticed, yes?

We’ve done write ups about dofollow and nofollow, and the value of free marketing and advertising yourself through the simple process of replying to posts you read on blogs.

FREE marketing! Yes, the few moments you take to make a truly constructive reply to any post on any blog can (and does according to our tracking stats) bring you free visitors to whatever link you choose to use as you fill out the comment form.

It’s so darn simple, and free, that after reading you’re crazy if you’re passing this up.

And this tool – Co.mments.com – allows you to easily access blogs you’ve asked questions on, and hope to hear from either the blog owner or one of his or her visitors to get the answer to your question.

Of course, that’s just one idea and way, to use this marketing tool.

Okay, not everything is worth commenting on. Maybe your brain has taken a siesta and nothing comes to mind. But, let’s face it, as humans we all have thoughts, opinions, experiences, and questions about something. It’s just built into our DNA to have our say.

That’s what those commenting boxes are for! And, repeating myself yet again, you’d be crazy not to comment. It’s FREE marketing.

I’ve started our own comment tracker using the above Co.mment website.

If you’re a blogger, especially a WordPress user, than you most likely have the Sociable plugin (if not, get it). Co.mments is one you can activate that will allow your visitor to quickly add individual posts of COMMENTS to conversations they wish to follow.

As an online internet marketer, start your own Co.mments account. This way, you can quickly and easily keep track of posts that you are:

1. Interested in hearing what others have to say

2. Waiting perhaps for an answer to a question you ask

3. Begin the process of networking within that post with the other readers of that post.

Be you blogger or marketer (or both), it’s fast and easy to create an account. You’ll then get your own (see ours above) web page link for quick access (bookmark it and refer to it often!), along with a feed that you can use perhaps on a Squidoo lens or….

Those who comment on a regular basis will see the value in this great tool. Those who are not yet using commenting to its fullest can now start that ball rolling with ease.

Sign up for your own Co.mment account today (it’s free!).|

SPECIAL NOTE: As SEO testers, we’re also interested in how (or if) this particular social marketing tool shows up in the search engines. With a PR of 5 and Alexa rank hovering at the 83K mark, not testing this would be a huge mistake. So bloggers, be sure to offer this as an option for bookmarking on your blog. And marketers, it’s such an easy way to keep track of where you’ve been it would be silly not to use it. All your comments, one page (your own!), and a quick reference guide as you check back on your favorite posts.

You’ll find our Co.mments icon right below here… it’s the orange one with the slanted row of dots on it in the “Be Sociable Please Tag Us” section. Click it, track this and/or any of our posts, and see how very easy your commenting life becomes

After Posting Update: Just found this Christmas song on JuliesJournal and wanted to add it to this post. A bit off topic, but it’s very cool. Enjoy!

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Okay now here’s you chance, don’t pass it up. Take one minute and let us know what you think! Your feedback and input do matter to us! Leave your comment!

Last night while posting about a free PDF creator, I also noticed something unusual about some (not all) of our links here at Online Internet Marketing Strategies. What I noticed was while we have the “dofollow” and “commentluv” plugins on this WordPress blog, they don’t always work properly.

So I went searching for a surefire cure to what we perceive as a problem (we want to give everyone who does comment the benefit of commenting!).

I found… (more…)